Green
by Azalea Malfoy
Summary: His love for her began and ended with the color green. A (non-canon) attempt to explain why Peter betrayed the Marauders.


AN: I actually wrote this several years ago, when I was just beginning middle school; unfortunately, my creativity and writing ability has only declined since then. I remember that I planned to publish it, but thought it was too short; after rediscovering it a few minutes ago, I decided to follow through with my original plans, since I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to produce a piece I like so much again-in fact, I can't even remember the last time I wrote for fun. It's also not really my usual fandom; still, I hope you enjoy it!

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 **Green**

I loved her the moment I saw her the winter of our first year, smiling and dancing in the snow with her friends, her emerald green eyes sparkling. She told me that she loved me too, once, and I believed her even through her friendship with Snivellus, even as James happily strutted around with her on his arm. I didn't realize how she and James had fooled me until James kissed her with the rest of the school watching. I was angry, then, and humiliated beyond belief.

I'd always been the fourth wheel of the Marauders, but before then, Lily would console me. After Lily's utter _betrayal_ , it was as if she'd never known me. She was always hanging out with James.

It was then that a seed of hatred began to grow in me. Every time that Lily smiled at James or something James did, it grew. Every time she ignored me in favor at James, I began to hate them a little more, especially James, but also Lily. Many people will say that there is only a thin line between love and hate — few will say that there is none. Yet that was how it was, in my case.

I floated through the last year of school depressed, with no one to comfort me. Remus tried, but he was better friends with Sirius and James than he was with me, and he never understood my side of the story. He only acted happy for James and Lily — he never understood that Lily had fooled me, and that she had been mine before she had been James'.

After we graduated, I was finally free, released from the agony of Hogwarts, where the rest of the Marauders never considered _my_ feelings, only Lily's and the other Marauders. I was bitter, though, having been treated as an object through the entirety of Hogwarts, I realized then. I had been forced to consider myself a being _lesser_ than they were, though after graduation I understood that I was their equal and had always been.

They should have been glad that I didn't kill them both at their wedding. I attended, full of fury, expecting Lily to apologize — but what did I get? She just smiled in that charming, vivacious way of hers and married James with a bounce in her step, almost as if she didn't think that she'd done anything wrong when she had so clearly hurt my feelings and torn at my heart.

That was when I chose to join the Dark Lord, a fateful choice that would leave a mark on my arm forever. I went to him with only my story, fury, and revenge. He made me into someone who could change the outcome of the world, and I never looked back.

Then, Lily and James idiotically decided to make me their Secret Keeper when they learned of a prophecy about their unborn child. It was almost as if Lily had forgotten that I'd ever loved her, or as if her love for me had transferred to love for James. I refused to believe that she had willingly fooled me, because I loved her, but I hated her for forgetting.

It made me feel as if I mattered to them, for once, so I hesitated before taking it to the Dark Lord. He was the one who had made me feel special, though — they had only chosen me for practical reasons. I gave him the paper with their address on it and asked him to give Lily a second chance.

All he said was that someone else had already asked, and if two of his followers pleaded for Lily's life, he would certainly try. I knew without even thinking about it that Snivellus had beaten me to her, again, and that I would always be Lily's second choice, whether she lived or not.

When, finally, my Lord announced his decision — privately, of course, only to a few select followers who he knew were loyal — to visit the Potters' house, I followed, transforming into a rat to watch the carnage without be noticed. I was miserable, but if I saw a chance to save her and her son by converting... well, suffice it to say that even if I died, I might have her love me for a while.

I never once thought about saving James. He and Sirius were the ones who had ignored me, treated me as a fourth wheel ever since we'd become "friends." After Lily's betrayal, I began to see that I was anything but friends with James and Sirius - they were heinous, deceitful, spoiled brats who had never once cared for my feelings. With them, I was nothing.

With Lily or the Dark Lord, I could be anything. That night, I watched, coldly, as James fell to the ground, easily bested by my Lord. My eyes were merciless, but as the Dark Lord ascended the stairs, I began to worry. If I saved Lily, she might love me - if only for a moment, because I would certainly die afterwards - but if not, I would survive.

Once, I would have saved Lily without a second thought. I would have trusted her to be kind to me because of it, and help me. Even years after her first betrayal, though, her love for James still wounded me. Her cries for him struck my heart as vividly as their first kiss had then, and my heart, cold from years of rejection, lost to self-preservation.

As the green light of the Killing Curse struck her body, I did nothing but watch.


End file.
